When opening a difficult conversation, few preambles work better than “I don’t know how to tell you this without upsetting you.” A leader understands the power of this phrasing. A leader understands that very often it is not knowing how to open a difficult conversation that keeps many difficult conversations from happening until the situation has come to a crisis.
The statement in the poster gives the listener time to prepare himself/herself emotionally – realizing that something potentially harsh is about to be said. That’s simple courtesy.
The introductory statement puts the speaker in a vulnerable position – requesting that the listener helps them. The speaker admits to not knowing something as s/he hesitantly begins the conversation.
Most frequently the listener will say something to the effect of “Oh go ahead and just say it” – seeking to prove the speaker wrong in the fact that they are going to be upset.
A variation of this introduction is to say, “If I wanted to speak to you about your performance, how would you suggest I begin?” In a similar way, this gives the listener a measure of control over the conversation – preparing the way for a more civil and less defensive interchange.
Categories: Communications, Conflict Management
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