David Sandler gave us a short but wise reminder as part of the Sandler Sales System™ when he admonished us with the words, “No Mutual Mystification.” That simply means that in a healthy/non-dysfunctional conversation between two or more adults, all cards are on the table. Choices are given. There are no hidden agendas or manipulations being used.

A leader learns how to ask questions to make sure that a follower has put all his /her cards on the table.

Here are a few types of questions to know:

The Nurturing Question

If the individual senses that any question by the leader is being asked in a judgmental or critical tone, the follower will most likely lie or mislead the leader. The internal child of the follower will fear reprisal and hide from the leader. See the Transactional Analysis poster for more on this important topic.

One Question Asked Multiple Times

Here the leader asks the same question multiple times. If the follower is misleading, it becomes more difficult for most people to lie each time. The soundtrack of the conversation might sound something like this “Who besides yourself will be involved in making the final decision of taking or not taking this job offer?” “Just you?” “That catches me off guard as most of the time someone needs to run it by someone else, but you’re saying it’s just you?” “So if I made you the offer right now during this interview, you could tell me a ‘yes’ or ‘no.?'” See how it works?

The Presumptive Question

Here the leader puts two or more questions together into one question so that the follower must actually lie two times in answering the same question. It might sound like, “So when you asked Bill about the situation, what did he say?” If the individual did not ever talk to Bill, now s/he must lie to you about that and also quickly make-up what Bill said. You have put the follower in a difficult position for maintaining mutual mystification.

Of course that means that as a leader desiring respect from being a leader of integrity you won’t manipulate situations by not sharing all pertinent information so that the other person can make a fully informed decision. Right?

Categories: Influence

Tags: influence