David Sandler in his book You Can’t Teach A Kid To Ride A Bike At A Seminar says it picturesquely when he says, “Don’t spill your candy in the lobby.”

The candy represents anything you have that the other person wants.  Sometimes it’s information, sometimes it’s your help, sometimes it’s your time.  Before you give them what they want, make sure you get from them what you want.  Usually you will want to take some time to ask clarifying questions so you don’t run with your assumptions – spilling candy that isn’t even what they want.

Early in my counseling career, I would only need to hear the word “marriage” before I was off and running with communication techniques to strengthen the relationship.  I was spilling some real good candy.  It was about two or three sessions later that I discovered that communication is not where I should have started at all.  By that time it had become apparent that the topic of communication would be further down the list.

By asking questions and listening more than talking, the leader seldom finds themselves out on a limb – committing to something not in the best interest of the leader or the follower.  Leaders don’t let their enthusiasm and excitement cause them to spill what they know prior to hearing what the other person(s) wants.  It is a necessary discipline.

Categories: Listening

Tags: listening