When I was being mentored with a psychologist, I would watch him sit back in that first session with a new client and after hearing the sad story, he would ask a simple question: “What do you want from me?” In my novice state, I would scream inside of myself “What do you mean? What does she want from you? She just told you her world was falling apart?”
He knew better.
Whenever possible, wait for your follower to ask for what they want. Don’t try to anticipate what they’ll need.Several things happen as a result of allowing the follower to pace the learning. First, you’ll know that you’re dealing with a felt need as opposed to a need they do not yet know they have. Consequently, your teaching will fall on more fertile soil. Secondly, you won’t be robbing the follower of a learning experience comprised of struggle, trying several options, and arriving at the best with that lesson committed to long term memory and probably behavioral change. And finally you will maintain a spirit of gratitude in the follower as opposed to creating a sense of entitlement.After my experience of mentoring with the therapist, my own children taught me this lesson well. When I waited for them to ask for help, the resultant appreciation was always greater than when I tried to anticipate what they needed – giving to them before they asked.In actuality when that happens you rob them of that most valuable power-source of gratitude.
Although this may sound harsh at first reading in contrast with our desire to be nurturing in our leadership, remember the therapist with whom I trained always asked, “What would you have me to do for you?” in the most nurturing manner. He just didn’t assume he knew.
See the poster on Gratitude for more insights into this key concept.
Categories: Influence
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