There is no question that all of the techniques for disciplining a child as seen on this poster are not equally effective in achieving the desired results. Our question is which ones work best, and how can we then incorporate them into our internal motivations. Let’s look at them one at a time. Within each of the next few paragraphs, I give you some questions about each discipline techniquethat will help make that transition to the relationship between your Internal Parent and Internal Child (see the poster on Transactional Analysis for more information on this concept).

COMMUNICATION reminds us about the power of communication. Just as the ineffective parent always responds to an older child’s question of “Why?” with “Because I said so!” the Internal Parent can carry that same ineffective communication into the internal relationship. If you want the Inner Child to begin doing something, be sure to communicate the “why” behind your desire. Some reasons are better than others, so don’t be afraid to let the child respond with his or her questions. Positive communication from the Internal Parent always shows respect for the child and helps to alleviate the rebellion of the Inner Child.The Inner Child can easily rebel when treated with disrespect by the Internal Parent. When the Internal Parent merely draws a line on the ground and commands that the child not cross it, the first thing the Inner Child will want to do is to cross the line.Communicating good reasons along with the parent’s showing of respect will help prevent that internal rebellion from sabotaging self discipline.As part of the bigger picture, please visit the poster on Emotional Composure to understand more about the Internal Parent’s power to keep the Internal Child either calm or agitated.

REWARDS compels us to ask the question “When was the last time you rewarded the Internal Child for something the child did that pleased the parent?” Too many times the only instances in which the Internal Parent talks to the child is when the child has displeased the parent. Still in other instances the child is never able to completely please the parent. The parent responds to the child’s performances with a “not bad, but it could have been better” attitude. Such an attitude usually leads to the child either dropping out or over achieving in an attempt to please the parent. Take a moment to consider how you could more consistently build in rewards for the child. You’ll find that it goes a long ways to producing that desired motivation.

REMOVAL OF REWARDS asks that important question “Do I ever reward my Inner Child for doing something I want him/her to quit doing?” In other words “Am I too permissive with my Inner Child?” When the child does something I’m wanting to quit, do I reward the child by continuing to do whatever we would have done if he/she hadn’t done it?” If you were one of my Executive Coaching clients, we would explore this question. However, without that opportunity, you must explore this area for yourself. However, some of my clients have told me that they have discovered that when the Internal Child “disobeyed,” the Internal Parent felt so badly that they would go to a party just to feel better thus actually rewarding the child for inappropriate behavior. In other words, no matter how the child behaved nothing changed. This only reinforces undesirable behavior.

NATURAL CONSEQUENCES are usually a part of everything we do. However, sometimes as a parent we don’t allow our child to experience the natural consequences of that behavior. The most common method of doing that with the Internal Child is to use alcohol, some other drug, sex, or even work to deaden the feelings of the pain that could change the behavior of the Internal Child. By anesthetizing the pain, we dilute its power to change the child’s undesirable behavior.

LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES can be imposed by the Internal Parent when the natural consequences might irepairably harm the Internal Child. The question to ask is “When the Internal Child disobeys, are there any consequences to his/her behavior?”  Sometimes this is the removal of something that the child really wants to do. Have you ever used this method of disciplining yourself?

IMITATION causes me to ask if I am spending time with people who are also filled with self discipline (see the Who You Hang With poster for more on this). Time and time again I find myself learning that I tend to become like those with whom I associate. If I allow my Internal Child to be with other demotivated Internal Children, the process of becoming internally motivated will be made difficult.

Without giving it careful thought, we will continue to discipline ourselves in the same manner in which our parents disciplined us.  We must stop and evaluate the effectiveness of the methods they used (see the Inner Drive poster for more on this concept).

What have you learned about yourself in relation to your own self discipline from reading about this poster? Take a moment to jot down your observations on a piece of paper for maximum retention of the lessons.