It started out as a book called Love Languages in which the author spoke about the different ways each of us receive praise, receive compliments, receive affirmations.

For some, it’s words.

You could just tell me, “Good job Dave, it shows that you’re conscientious and I appreciate that about you. It means that we’re going to have a stronger mentoring program here at Tenaska.”  Words are fine.

For others, words are cheap. They would say, “Words are cheap. Spend time with me and that will affirm me.”  I have a son who is that way. He finds words to be cheap, but if I take time to go and sit with him and listen to him that’s when I affirm him.

For some, it’s acts of service. When I do something for them I affirm them. Or for some, it’s gifts. When I bring them something on their birthday or on the anniversary they’ve been with the company, I affirm them.

Make sure you know the language of appreciation that each of your direct reports responds best to.  That will give you a lot of guidance in how to make sure they are being affirmed in their roles.  Reinforcing that which is good is much more powerful than only going after that which they do wrong.

Categories: Authority Relationships, Communications, Influence, Sociability

Tags: empathy