We all know the feeling. As you look at this poster, you’ll see that intimidation can have many roots. You might be intimidated by people of wealth, authority, beauty, height, success, age, knowledge, or something not even on the poster.
The goal is to move from being intimidated down to confidence. Unfortunately, the path passes through a mother belittling her child. A mother’s voice in a person’s head is very, very strong. I love the story Jay Leno tells of his mother saying to him, “Jay, you better learn how to dance, because you’re just not that funny.” Can’t you can hear a mother say that?
I enjoy the way it’s said in sales, “You can only call as high in a company as your mother will let you.” Mothers have a way of saying things like, “Who do you think you are calling on the President of the company?” “Why do you think he would want to hear anything from you?” “Who do you think you are talking to someone who’s that much more successful than you, who has that much more money than you, who’s that much older than you, who has that much more beauty than you?” “Who do you think you are?” “Don’t get too big for your britches.”
Most of that internal conversation happens between a mother and the child inside of the individual’s head between the individual’s ears. It’s most often a one-way conversation. But just like when we left home, there comes a time when the child inside of us has to stand up straight and talk back to the mother saying something like, “It’s time for you to be quiet. You’re way off on your perception of me and you’re way off on your perception of others.”
In my particular case, it was wealth. My mother was always talking about those people who live in “Country Club.” I knew that wasn’t us. And she said it in such a way that I knew that they were significantly different than us. So, when I grew, I was always intimidated by those who earned more money than I did. Wealth was my primary intimidation factor.
However, there did come a day when I turned to my mom inside and I said, “Mom, it’s time for you to be quiet. You did not understand those people who live in Country Club. I’m discovering they’re far more like you and me than they are different. They are rich people with problems. We’re middle-class people with problems, but we’re all people.”
Once I talked back to her and she quit trying to convince me they were different, I was able to overcome my intimidation of people of wealth. My hope is that this insight works for you in the areas that might be intimidating you and holding you back as a leader.
As a postscript . . . you might need time to build an argument to serve as a rebuttal to your mother’s words. After all, those words have been coming at you for a long time. Take time to collect what she says to you and write down why you now believe her words are false. In the calm of the moment, you can write the words so that ou can use the rebuttal in the heat of the action. Most mothers were very influential in our lives as children but need to lose their influence as we mature as leaders.
Categories: Authority Relationships
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