Managing your fears. Every leader needs to know how to not ignore fears, but manage their fears. This poster gives us two components to the management of fears, the physiological and psychological.
The fear center in the brain is called the amygdala. The amygdala is really there to prevent us from taking too much time to think about things while being chased by a bear. The amygdala is tripped, sends the adrenalin and all the other chemicals into our bloodstream that we’ll need to run faster and jump higher without our conscious brain having to do any processing. It’s designed for quick assessment of a dangerous situation.
However, we can trip the amygdala by our thoughts. The amygdala has no ability to determine whether the thought is a real or a perceived fear. When amygdala goes off and chemicals are released, we might start to perspire. Our heart might start to beat fast.
One evening my wife looked over at me and she said, “You’re sweating. What’s happened?” Since becoming aware of these concepts, I replied, “My amygdala went off. It’ll calm down here in a minute.” I am now much more comfortable with that physiological fear reaction which I now know could be totally without any basis at all. I just live through it. I dare not react. If I did react, I would only become fearful about feeling fearful – greatly complicating my situation.
Psychologically, the fear is always produced by the question, “What if ______________?” The blank is always something out of our control.
On a Dr. Phil Show, there was a lady who called her husband at work thirty times a day. Thirty times a day, she would call him at work. Dr. Phil asked her, “Did you really call him thirty times a day?” And she said, “Yes.” Dr. Phil turned to the man and said, “Did she really call you thirty times a day.” And he said, “Yes.” “Why do you do that,” he asked the lady. And the lady said, “Because I’m afraid he’s going to have an affair.”
And Dr. Phil said this, “No, you’re not.” And she said, “Yes, I am.” And he said, “No, you’re not. You are not afraid he’s going to have an affair. You’re thinking to yourself, ‘What if he has an affair?’ You are really afraid that you couldn’t handle it if he had an affair. You don’t have any control over whether or not he has an affair.”
“What if _________________?” You fill in the blank for something outside of your control. That’s always at the heart of a fearful situation. If you play golf, you might enjoy the book, Fearless Golf. If you read it, try this. Anytime the word “golf” comes up in the book, just put in the word “life”.
The author asks, “As you stand at the tee, getting ready to swing, what questions are you asking in your mind? ‘What if I hook? What if I slice? What if I miss the ball entirely? What if the people I’m with laugh at me? What if ______________?,” All of those would be fear producing thoughts.
Dr. Phil also made another comment. In order to get past the fear-producing thought, you have to “play it out.”
On another one of his shows, he had a fellow that was obviously, as seen in the opening video, a virtuoso in terms of a pianist playing flawlessly. Dr. Phil’s viewers were shocked to hear that the man wouldn’t play in public. As he interviewed this fellow, he said, “What are you afraid of?” And he said, “I’m afraid that I’ll faint. I’ll become so nervous that I’ll faint.”
And Dr. Phil said, “What would happen, then?” “Well, then I’d fall off the bench,” the man replied. “Then, what would happen?” Dr. Phil asked. “Well, then I’d probably wake up,” the man said. “Then what would happen?” Dr. Phil asked yet one more time. “And, then I’d look at the audience embarrassed, and then I’d run off stage,” the man continued to play out his fears. “And, then what would happen?” Dr. Phil asked yet one more time. “Well, I guess, that’s it,” the man finally said. And Dr. Phil said, “Could you live with that?” “Well, I guess, I could,” the man said rather surprisingly.
What the fellow didn’t see was that there was a stage crew bringing a piano on stage. And, then he turned around to see the piano, went over, played flawlessly. He didn’t faint. He didn’t fall off the bench. Nothing happened.
But he had to play out the “what if.” “What if your husband has an affair?” Do you have a plan? If you don’t have a plan, you won’t be able to take care of it. So, rather than asking “what if” questions when playing golf, or when living life, much better to replace “what if” questions with, “What’s my goal?” “What’s my plan/strategy?”
So, as I’m standing at the tee, “What’s my goal?” “What’s my plan/strategy?” As I’m looking at the next project, “What’s my goal?” “What’s my plan?” Plan A. Plan B. “What if this goes wrong?” “What if that goes wrong?”
Play it out. As you play it out, you will remove a lot of the fear’s potency. Then you’ll be on your way to managing your fears and creating a greater confidence not only in yourself, but in the people who are following you.
Categories: Assertiveness, Competitive Style, Initiative, Presentation Style, Task Completion
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