Here’s a guideline that will help keep you from being trapped in the “Drama Triangle.”
When I care about something more than you care about it, I can start to lean into the Drama Triangle. If I care about your career more than you care about your career; if I care about your future more than you care about your future; if I care about your success more than you care about your success; I overinvest which means the relationship is no longer reciprocal; which means I’m going further into the relationship than you are; which means I will soon feel like a victim of yours. That is not a good place to be. Never get more emotionally invested than the other stakeholder(s).
But what about passion? Passion is when I share my thoughts and my feelings regardless of what the room feels about it. So, is that getting more emotionally invested than the other stakeholder?
The line that I make in that discussion is the line between wanting and needing. When I want something, I’m still okay, and I can demonstrate my passion. When I need something to happen, I have stepped over the line. I am now emotionally invested significantly, and that’s when I get myself into trouble.
A leader understands that he or she may want many things to happen. However, when he or she needs something to happen, they know they’re vulnerable to being wounded (even fatally). Never get more emotionally invested more than the other stakeholder(s). Make sure there’s always reciprocity in the emotional investments being made.
Categories: Emotional Composure, Sociability
Magic Club Leadership Resources 